JUELZ SANTANA WHAT THE GAME’S BEEN MISSING!
RAP ALBUM OF 2005?
1) Entertaining Lude that I don’t listen to anymore. Full of fun.
Now that I got your attention:
I’m what the game’s been missing
What you about to witness is
Something that you haven’t been witnessing
It’s not all worth witnessing, but hey
2) The music is like a little dog that thinks it’s the toughest shit since digesting ropes. The hook is rocksteady, the flow is bebop. “The matrix’s first son.”
Till the day I get locked
Till the day I get shot
Till the day I just drown in water.
…Don’t feel sorry for me, have a party for me –
Bitches, balloons, Bacardi, and weed.
This hair metal rap steez is peel this go round.
3) Heatmakerz on autopilot. “ Please Mr. Postman” is flipped. The sampled “wait” is recontextualized to be heard as “way,” “wave,” and “weight,” which is dope. “I’m crack. Sorry ‘bout that.” It’s better than the last song at least.
4) Getting closer… This joint is so bootleg – getting Sizzla to pretty much do the intro on a track his own song has been chopped on, as if his human participation was an accident, an afterthought. Thus, shit sound sloppy in a cheap way (I know, I know, this is Heatmakerz..) Sizzla’s mini-moans make like a penetrated bottom. I hate that the influence of the film has largely been shitty ragga posing. Killa Cameron sounds lame dropping Jamaican cultural signifiers – cocoa bread, batty bwoys, curry chicken – for the sake of thematic harmony.
5) Now this I fucks with. A small beat that tic-tocs (“Clockwork,” seen?) perfectly with the ass on your crotch in the club. If you can’t make that clock work, your fault.
6) It’s called “Kill ‘Em.” Juelly wants to “Show them motherfuckers these ain’t no paintballs!” Among the other expressly violent songs on here: “Gone,” “MURDA MURDA,” “Shottas,” “Violence,”(hey), considering “Kill ‘Em”’s typically tacky dipcrunk beat, this underachieving track is redundant. Without Cameron’s rape threat, his verse would be totally forgettable (that make #2). My guess is that the hook kept this one on the Lp – “Kill ‘Em!Kill ‘Em!Kill ‘Em!Kill ‘Em!Kill ‘Em!Kill ‘Em!Kill ‘Em!” FF.
7) Santana sees himself as a hood laureate and hood hero. The music here is on the dick of ‘03Kanye, with a little Tupelo.
Niggas come home and can’t get jobs,
Niggas act like they can’t get robbed –
And that don’t mix
Mostly decent yet not compelling.
8) !!!FUCK FUCk. One of my favorite beats. Watch for DEVELOP (credited to Doe Boys, Develop and Filthy)(and yes, he did do the stupid “Fireman” for Wayne, but so what). I’ve not heard dolo Filthy, but I do know Develop has visions. The heirloom bass and drums is where NWA meets Neptunes, with retarded arrangement that keeps it pushing like a train. Add Jeezy and Weezy in the pot – CRACK.
9) Shoddy could not have chosen a better name for hisself. He produced “Kill ‘Em”… kna’mean? Kna’ mean? Hell Rell wastes time. Speaking of which, FF.
10). more Doe Boys! These men got the recipe. Imagine “Concerto of the Desperado” if that shit grew into Godzilla. On the mic, Juelz make it (generic party and bullshit bullshit) sound pretty. Terrific “Gangsta Shit.”
11) The beat is a thin color, tailored for the tale, “Lil Boy Fresh.” The story is a summary of the urban chess brightly colored classic,Fresh’s plot. The fact that one of Juelz’ few narratives is actually a movie is quite fresh.
12) Take a whiff. The throwback-in-the-day joint. The boy goes from move-on-wax to nostalgic summery platter. A! A! I never saw it coming when I heard dude on Cam’s “Oh Boy” that summer. “How’d you get knocked out at the cookout?”
13) Then we get another Develop production. It’s got that one sound- the one that comes in at the start of movies or whatever. Boy keeps them bases covered. Official club/sex song?-Check. “Trying to do the nasty witcha, not trying to download a nasty picture.” I think he got two Italian girls handling backgrounds. A!
14) This shit had me on smash since Day One. The only great Cameron performance in this bitch. Blocaine sound effects and that Ini Kamoze that I’d never heard before.MURDA MURDA mo MURDA MURDA mo MURDA. Negative classic.
15) Another crack (no pun intended) at crime fiction. It’s strizzy and boring. A solid listen isn’t a waste, repeat listens are.
16) This song would hit harder if the ridiculous hook was saved till after the first verse. As is, it’s hard to listen to this as a serious joint and not a gimmicky one. His nephew, aged 5, sings “this iscrack and it’s better than ever!” Yeah. The only thing wack about this is the hook’s riding the coattails of “Hey Ya,” like two years later.
17) The only listenable song Shoddy has to offer. Some average male singer does singing. Rather yawn.
18) “I Am Crack.”
Your tombstone never will read
“We Buried A G.”
19) It’s the whistle song! Somebody had to make it. Its worth has been confirmed doing my time in the clubs so I ain’t mad at.
20) “A headshot have you looking like you shampoo with blood.” Oneliners too nasty. “Go to your block and piss on the spot your [memorial altar] candle’s been put up.” ‘Why’ you ask, why? “No reason at all. This music is that stupid…Right now I am promoting violence!” Sweet.
21) The fatherhood joint. I’m impressed. Just as good as the Xzibit joint. The Aerosmith sample…
22) “Mic Check.” Not as ripping as the Aceyalone song of the same name, but good all the same.
An Lp where the singles are only half(less really) of what’s really good. An outlandish rapper with songwriting skills. However, what is more important is his fully-formed MC persona that gets repped lovely, outlandishly. I’m feeling anywhere from 9-13 joints on this depending on my disposition, making this instantly my favorite rap Lp of 2005. A! A! A! A! A!